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Dating a manipulator

Dating a manipulator

Too many women are misled by the romantic myth that men are "diamonds in the rough" and we are supposed to "help" them become better men, often by sacrificing our own needs. We are socialized to believe that if we help them, take care of them, give up our own needs for theirs, they will "take care" of us.

Of course, men are just as vulnerable- they often marry women they barely know, feeling that they have to be "mature" and "grown up" and then end up miserable because they're stuck with someone they have nothing in common with.

Or they play "rescuer" and take up with women who are little, fragile dolls who need to be 'taken care of' and they say things like "She needs me, she's so fragile.

She's like a little wounded deer. They take time off from relationships, and work on their relationship with themselves. The can demonstrate REAL work and real change, rather than platitudes.

And the sad thing is that far too many men, despite their loud and protesting denials, really just want another mother. As one very wise woman put it, "Unfortunately, most men never left the tit. As the mother of this Heartless Bitch once said, "A man is who he is by his 16th birthday. Don't enter a relationship expecting him to change, because he won't, even if it is better for him and he knows it. And if he DOES seem to change, he'll only revert back the moment you let up, and he'll only resent you the whole time you are trying to get him to change.

It's not worth it. This list can apply equally to women as well as men. If the person you are with does any ONE thing on this list, put on your running shoes. He does things to make you feel financially obligated to him, without your asking. For instance, you haven't known each other for a year and he pays off your car to surprise you. If you and this loser break up, you will definitely get a notice to appear in small claims court to repay this "loan". This person throws money around to hook you, and make you believe that he is a generous person.

Watch closely and you will see his attitude about money change over the months and years that you know him. The moment you are "hooked" either by moving in together or getting married, all of a sudden he is concerned about expenses and you'll find yourself nickel-and-dimed at every turn. When you get into an argument, he tells you to, "Read Machiavelli's 'The Prince' so you can learn to deal with assholes like me.

He sleeps constantly. In fact, he uses it--his need for sleep--as a regular excuse to miss meals, events and even quit work. For example, every time you take her out you have a great time and a lot of fun but then she barely returns your calls, or takes several days to return them.

You end up calling first because you have fun together but you find yourself in a chase mode with no indication of whether or not she's willing to be caught. This is not courting, this is a game of control and dysfunctional interaction usually dominated by someone who has mental health issues. This person is good at yo yo-ing you're emotions and making you question yourself. Bottom line He admits to paying for and having sex with a prostitute. Quadruple red flag points if he admits he did it without a condom.

He hurts pets or talks about how he has hurt them in the past. He directly endangers your life by driving drunk. Instead of being honest with you about how he feels, you find out that he or SHE ridicules you behind your back, even when you have expressed a preference for honesty.

He decides that something about your behavior is bothering him, but never tells you directly, as a friend would, giving you the chance to have an open discussion. Instead, he drops subtle hints, or does it in a roundabout fashion, like sending a letter to a publication he knows you read, hoping you'll see it.

When you don't pick up on the clues, he gets angry. You visit at his home or apartment and it has hardly any furnishings or curtains. You find out he didn't just move in - it's been like this for months or years. When you go on a date together he asks your opinion on curtains and sofas etc. Watch out! Men like this are searching for a mothering type to save them and fix them. Run now! He dumped his ex in an incredibly mean way - in front of her friends, or at their wedding, for example.

Then tells you about it in great detail, with pride in his voice, expecting you to be impressed. You find keyloggers on your computer or find him trying to get into your emails He makes it clear that he doesn't want you talking about him to anyone else. He vassilates from day-to-day or week to week as to whether he wants to be in a relationship or not.

He checks out personal stuff while you are still dating.. He has ex wives that you find out about LATER He doesn't like to go to social places like bars, where there are a lot of people and possible attention on you from other men He refers to ex-girlfriends or wives with terms like "Bitch", "Cunt" or "Whore". He mentions how you should feel "lucky" to be one of the chosen few on his "good" list.

He plays with himself while you are lying naked next to him. It will make you feel like you are laying next to a child that has discovered his penis for the first time. He mentions how he has a high IQ, and not many people "understand him. Gives you orders. Sex is NOT a sensual experience for him. He doesn't understand that you are a human, have feelings, need to be treated gently, etc. Sex is just another method of him proving his greatness. And if you don't get off, he'll be upset.

Not because he genuinly cares about you; but because he didn't live up to his false sexual alter ego. King of the Satin-Sheet Throne, if you will. When you ask him why he's so quiet, he says, "I only say what needs to be said. When you ask him why he doesn't open up about his emotions, he says, "I'm a machine.

I'm programmed not to feel. He is a film critic, a history major, and poet. You are almost intimidated by his "artsy" side. He is intelligent, well-versed, and well educated. When you call him out on his shit, he playfully says, "I'm clueless! Takes no responsibility if the relationship isn't going "swimmingly. YOU'RE not working with the situation. YOU'RE not accepting him the way he is. YOU'RE passive-aggressive, etc. His life is ambiguous.

You never really feel like you "know" him. You may meet his family once, and friends occasionally, but you always feel like he's hiding something. He never really explains any of his past in detail. And, if he does, it's only when he's explaining his way out of something. When you corner him on this, he mentions how his uncles used to make rape-jokes Is over socially opinionated.

At first you think he's well educated, and become intrigued some of the odd facts he knows. Later you realize all these facts add up to the whole, "fighting the good fight" mentality. He's always trying to seek justice, prove wrong, pinpoint facts, find the irony, uncover the conspiracy, etc. His brain is infatuated with this shit. It's all part of the "holier than thou" mindset, how he has everything "figured out" and you should feel proud to be with such a brave man.

He tells you he hates you with utter vehemency when he is angry. Ignore this one and it could cost you your life. He demands sex on the first date, and when you repeatedly refuse it, he replies that he won't take no for an answer, and asks repeatedly what he has to do to make you change your mind. He wants to have sex when you are sick, with no regard for how you feel.

These are the same kinds of people who will tell you that they require sex or a sexual act daily to be fulfilled, with no regard for their partner's state of mind or arousal.

His favorite subject is how oppressed he is by the world, and how all these feminists and liberated women who always turn him down have damaged his self-concept and made life so hard for him.

He has a litany of stories regarding "ex's" that have screwed him over. Facts change within stories - he tells you one thing and twenty minutes later tells you another. Tells you grandiose stories of past experiences that don't seem to fit together. Despite his obvious mental angst [or perhaps because of it Tries to paint the inability to relax as a positive character trait. This sounds very romantic in the beginning, as if he wants to help you grow, or develop, or god knows what you make of it, but in fact it means: I see flaws in how you are now and I am going to do something about "fixing" you He immediately starts sucking up to your friends and trying to become buddies with them.

I am not saying being nice to them, I mean trying to establish his OWN close relationship with them. In the beginning easily taken for 'nice': Manipulators try to get close to YOUR friends in order to feed misinformation behind the scenes, so that they come off looking like martyrs when they pull the rug out.

Dating a manipulator

He does things to make you feel financially obligated to him, without your asking. In France, Dating a manipulator, the most famous puppet is the Guignol which is a hand puppet created in Lyon in There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. The programs have been shown all around the world and are now widely distributed on DVD. And the sad thing is that far too Dating a manipulator men, despite their loud and protesting denials, really just want another mother. When you go on a date together he asks your opinion on curtains and sofas etc. Dating a manipulator took full advantage. This control usually has a detachable leg bar which controls walking when held in the opposite hand.